If Mothers Day is hard, I understand this too well. There were many Mothers Days when I couldn’t call my mom. There were years of frustration, pain, and anger. Even after her death I’m still coming to terms with how our relationship did and didn’t work and so for me, Mothers Day is hard.
My mother wasn’t cut out for mothering. We only grew into some sort of closeness right before her death. And now that she is dead there’s no more time to fix what was broken or say what needed to be said. So for me, Mothers Day means silence. It means the end of something that barely began. It means forever goodbye.
I know I’m not alone in this pain, even if your own situation is different than mine. Mothers Day is hard for many of us, for many different reasons. Perhaps you have a strained relationship with your mother. Perhaps you never met her. Perhaps you can’t have a relationship for your own wellbeing. Or perhaps she has passed away.
Perhaps it’s hard because you’ve lost a child. Perhaps it’s hard because you can’t bear children. Whatever your reasons, for millions of people, Mothers Day brings about feelings of disappointment, sorrow, and heartache.
I can’t fix your hurting heart this Mothers Day. I can’t bring your mom back. I can’t make her love you like you deserve to be loved. I can’t make this holiday hurt any less than it does. And oh, how I wish I could.
But I can do one thing. I can tell you all the things I so wanted to hear my mother say. And then a few things she did say.
For one, I can tell you that you are loved. Deeply and desperately.
You have value and you have purpose.
You have made mistakes but you don’t have to be defined by them. You will make more mistakes, but they can be forgiven.
You have learned so much and you will continue to learn. You will grow. You will become better.
You will love others and you will be loved in return.
You will have your heart broken and sometimes you will break hearts. But, you will survive these things.
You will face immeasurable sorrow and loss. You will cry yourself to sleep and you will wonder how you will go on. But, you will go on. Because you are so much stronger than you know.
You are also so beautiful and there is nothing about you that is a mistake. You are exactly as you were meant to be and I wouldn’t change a single thing.
You are allowed to love and allowed to sing and allowed to dance and allowed to be happy. You are allowed to be who you really are. And you deserve to be happy while you’re being it.
You will be brave. You will be fearless. You will conquer every obstacle and face down every foe.
You will leave this world a better place. And you will be remembered for the good you did.
Regardless of what happened before or after you were born, there were moments when you were in the womb that you made your mother so happy. Your first kick made her heart skip a beat. Your presence made her feel less alone and less afraid. And you were loved.
I know Mothers Day is hard because it’s hard for me too. But, we’re going to survive it. And we’re going to be okay. It’s just another day in a lifetime of good days. There are yet good days to come. But, as you walk through this not-so-good holiday, I hope you know, above all else, you are not alone.