What an adventure 2018 was. This year you really challenged me, expected more from me, and reminded me who I am and who I am supposed to be.
When Type 2 Diabetes showed up, you forced me to confront my ableist argument against fat-shaming: “Yeah, I may be fat, but I’m also healthy!!” as if my health somehow made me more worthy of respect. I learned that neither size nor health should determine how people are allowed to be treated. Everyone deserves kindness, regardless of their body shape, size, ability, or health.
You also taught me to be more aware of how I speak about you, even when just dialoguing in my own head. I learned my words shape my viewpoint of you and by repeatedly saying you’re broken, or struggling, or implying you aren’t good enough, I was internalizing that I can never be happy within you because you would never make me happy. And this simply is not true. And it never has been.
Lastly, you showed me what you’re really capable of. You showed me you can still run. You showed me you are still strong. You showed me you are capable of so much more than I was giving you credit for, as if you were just waiting around for me to figure out something you already knew.
I gave up on you, body. And you have never given up on me.
So, I promise to take my faith in you forward into 2019. I live inside of you and yes, I do love you. I know you keep me safe and I know you give me more than I ever appreciate. Thank you for being my soul’s vessel this time around. Thank you for the lessons you so graciously teach me. I promise to live up to your expectations of me.